Feedback is one of those things that people are terrified both to give and receive. They think if they give honest feedback that they are being mean or harsh, but in reality, they are helping someone to achieve their full potential. Receiving feedback is no walk in the park either, as it can be painful to receive criticism on something you've poured yourself into. The key thing is to find a balance - quality feedback often comes in the form of criticism, but that does not mean it needs to be degrading. In giving negative feedback, it is important to give it with the hopes to help the creator, rather than to tear them down. In receiving criticism, you must not take it personally and realize that this is necessary to grow.
I have always been a perfectionist, which is not the positive trait it is often made out to be. Being attentive to detail and doing your best is important, but perfectionism often takes it too far and puts undue pressure on yourself to attain the impossible. As
"Recalibrating the Perfectionist Mind" points out, perfectionism emphasizes avoiding mistakes rather than growing - it's based out of fear rather than a forward outlook. Once I started college, my perfectionism took a hard blow as I soon realized that I would make mistakes constantly throughout my years. I compared myself to everyone around me and realized I was lacking. At first, this really wrecked my personal identity - I was no longer the student receiving perfect grades in everything who was able to broadcast an aura of ease in everything I did. I was sinking and realized I needed to make some changes.
First of all, I had to stop comparing myself to my peers. They all had led different lives than me and of course they were going to do better in some things than me, and vice versa. I had to learn to take on the "racehorse mentality" mentioned in
this article, focusing on moving ahead rather than what everyone around me is doing and achieving. This helped me be able to appreciate my peers, rather than envy them. There was no need for competition because the only person I was competing with was myself. This has really helped in my feelings of loneliness and isolation - I am no longer a single competitor in a crowd of people, but rather I am an individual with her own goals surrounded by other individuals with their own goals.
I also had to learn to control my perfectionism rather than letting it control me. I'm not saying I've completely cast out my perfectionism, because it often tries to peak in and poke my anxiety with a big stick, but I have begun handling it in a much healthier way. I really like the quote by Erin Hanson that says "But what if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?" because it's important to turn our what ifs from the negative to the positive. In tying this all back to feedback, it's important to turn my "what if someone hates this?" into "what if someone gives you a piece of advice that takes your work to a whole new level?" Rather than dreading feedback because someone may criticize me, I try and look forward to learning from others who have different experiences than I do.
